You can't look at me
I can't look at me.
I know its my face,
but this isn't new agony.
I've always hated my self
and now you do too.
Never had admiration or respect,
and neither should you too.
I used to sit alone at school,
during lunch breaks I was alone.
No one ever thought I was cool
so I always just sat on my own.
Even the teachers disliked me,
they made me sit at the back
where no one was behind me
and I just heard them laugh.
They laughed at me despite me
ignoring all they had to say.
Bullies kept wanting to fight me
but I just kept walking away
They thought I was hideous,
and I felt like I wasn't human.
They thought I was oblivious
but I felt everything,
in my tears it was proven.
I couldn't make any friends
and it was like that for a long time.
I sought out a companion called death
but he said it was the wrong time.
I felt like even he didn't want to know,
and that's when I had no where to go.
Not school, not home,
how was I supposed to let myself grow?
I turned even uglier as the years flew,
love was mythical to me but even I knew.
There's no such thing as a beautiful soul
who could look past the exterior "you".
24 years old now and I'm still waiting,
sat by a fire and I kept that fire blazing.
It was my hope and I sheltered it
even during the days it was raining.
Maybe one day someone will tell me,
"There's nothing wrong with you"
I had dreamt that somebody held me,
and they'd say "I will always be with you"
Where are you, will you ever find me?
Do you exist, are you behind me?
If I turn around, you won't be there,
I guess the truth is...hope blinds me.